


Plots, Plots, and Plots

by Livelovelupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fake Dating, Jealous jealous jealous!!!, Lily and Remus are the best, M/M, truly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:33:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23601613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livelovelupin/pseuds/Livelovelupin
Summary: After catching her breath, Lily beamed. “It’d be a plot, you see. You and I go on a date together, and boy x and y are jealous and burning inside.”“Boy x and y?” Remus asked, amused despite himself.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 261





	Plots, Plots, and Plots

“Go out with me?”

Remus’ eyes widened, and the book he was currently reading very nearly hit the floor. 

“Huh?”

“Will you go out with me?” Lily Evans repeated, smiling brightly. “This Sunday, Hogsmeade, maybe The Three Broo--”

“Ehm, Lily. Uh, Lils, love, I--Well, not that I wouldn’t love to, but--eh, I kind of--”

Lily snorted, twice, before she started laughing loudly, shaking her head. “Oh, do let me down gently, Remus.”

Remus was confused but nonetheless glad that Lily wasn’t serious. He didn’t know where he would’ve gone with his blabbering if she was serious. He raised an eyebrow, wanting Lily to explain.

After catching her breath, Lily beamed. “It’d be a plot, you see. You and I go on a date together, and boy x and y are jealous and burning inside.”]]]

“Boy x and y?” Remus asked, amused despite himself. 

“Oh, as if you don’t know who I am talking about.” Lily rolled her eyes. “Boy J and S. Boy P and B. Boys JP and SB. Sirius sodding Black and James--”

“Okay, okay!” Remus said, cutting Lily off. “But why, again?”

Lily bit her lip. “Oh. Well, James has been… you know how he’s been.”

“He’s leaving you alone? Hasn’t been annoying you? Lily, love, isn’t that what you have been telling him to do? For _years_?”

“Well, I didn’t expect James freaking Potter to listen to me, did I?”

Remus couldn’t resist laughing. “He wants to be ‘mature’, as I have been told.”

“Oh, bullocks, Remus. And stop laughing! It’s not as if you have any right to comment about this, mister I-am-so-in-love-with-Sirius-Black-that-anyone-older-than-four-and-with-less-than-mediocre-cognitive-abilities-could-tell.”

Remus blinked. “That’s quite the description, Lily.”

“It’s true.”

“It _is_ true,” Remus said, eyes widening. “Merlin, Lily!”

“I know.”

“We’re pathetic, Lily.”

“We? Speak for yourself, Lupin.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Really, now? Miss I-came-up-with-a-plot-to-make-James-Potter-jealous-because-he’s-not-paying-enough-attention-to-me.”

Lily glared at Remus before she started laughing again. “Oh, my god, Remus!”

Remus set his book on the table in front of him and focused entirely on Lily. “So, what’s the plot, again?”

“Oh, I could kiss you right now, Lupin.”

Remus grinned. “Save it until Sunday?”

…..

“You know,” Lily said, biting her drink straw, “this isn’t where I thought this would go.”

Remus snorted. “No kidding.”

“I thought we’d have a more desirable outcome.”

“Desirable?”

“Yeah. Like, angrily making out, or something similar.”

Remus shook his head. “I just wanted to see if Sirius got jealous.”

“And he _did.”_

“He did, indeed. So did James, I think he wanted to punch me.”

“Then why leave us alone?” Lily questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, were you really depending on James? He’s all bark, no bite. He’ll probably sulk forever, now.”

“I know that,” Lily shushed Remus. “Who do you think I am? I wasn’t depending on James to follow us on his own; I thought Sirius would, and James would tag along.”

Remus nodded slowly. “So did I!”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore. If we can’t depend on Sirius being irrational and jumping the gun, what _can_ we depend on?”

“Hey. No bad mouthing Sirius.”

“ _No bad mouthing Sirius_ ,” Lily mocked. “Pathetic, Lupin.”

Remus frowned. “I don’t think I like drunk Lily all that much.”

Lily took a rather dramatic sip from her drink. “Sounds like a personal problem to me, Re.”

“And you’re rhyming.” Remus stood up, and clasped his arm around Lily’s forearm. “I think we should head back.”

Lily pouted. “You’re no fun, Remus.”

“Uh-huh.”

“The worst.”

“You wound me, Lily.”

“This is the most boring date ev--” 

Remus apparating cut Lily off, and as soon as they landed on the outskirts of the school, Lily looked like she was about to puke.

“Please don’t be sick, Remus said, helping Lily gain her balance. Lily glared at him, and Remus was just about to apologize when Lily’s eyes widened.

She was looking at something behind them, and when Remus wanted to turn around and check, Lily stopped him. “Promise me you won’t freak out?”

“What?” Remus asked, confused.

“Just promise!” Lily whispered.

“Okay, I promise, I --” Remus stopped whispering when Lily and him were suddenly close, uncomfortably close.

“Pretend you’re kissing me,” Lily said, and Remus snorted before he could stop himself.

_“What?”_

“Well, you’ve ruined it now,” Lily was still whispering, and Remus thought that she was glaring at him, but her hair looked insanely more red than it usually did. and she was flushing, her lips and cheeks the same exact of red, and really, she didn’t look all that intimidating.

“Here. Plan B,” Lily continued whispering, and Remus officially came to the conclusion that she had lost her mind. “I’m gonna count to three and you’re going to act like I said the funniest thing you’ve ever heard.”

“Lily, I think it would be best if we headed back--”

“One, two three!” Lily said, and Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Really, Lily, what--Ouch!” Lily pinched Remus’ forearm, and it _hurt._ “What was that for?”

Lily shook her head, and after staring into the distance for two seconds, she pinched Remus’ forearm, again. “You made us lose the _o-ppor-tu-nity_ , Remus!” Lily said, over-pronouncing the word ‘opportunity’, trying to make a point.

“You’ve lost me, Lils.”

“They were behind us! I swear they were, Remus; I saw James’ ugly red shoes and I know that it’s him. I am one hundred and one percent sure, but--” Lily hiccuped, “but he was invisible! The rest of him, anyway; and I heard two sets of footsteps, that’s four feet, if you didn’t keep up, so I’m betting Sirius was with him!” Lily finished off, out of breath. “I wonder how he manged to do it, actually, disappear, that is. We haven’t taken anything on that, have we?”

Remus was too busy trying to hit himself for not realizing that James and Sirius could have used the invisibility cloak.

Lily snapped her fingers at Remus as she let out a sound of frustration. “Remus!”

“What?” Remus asked, a little dazed.

“What ‘what’? Get it together, love.”

“Yeah, no. You’re right; I don’t think we’ve took a spell to make you invisible,” Remus said, clearing his throat.

Lily narrowed her eyes. “I think you’re lying.”

“I would never lie to you!” Remus exclaimed, lying to her. “I promised you I would never.”

Lily looked confused. “You never promised me you’d never lie to--what are you talking about?”

“It kind of goes without saying, Lily; you’re my friend, and on that basis you should know there’s this promise, vow, whatever, that I would never lie or--” Remus was trying to sound as sappy and ridiculous as possible, to divert the topic from James’ invisibility.

“Well, that is just a-level bullshit, Lupin,”Lily said, as she started walking towards Hogwarts. Remus followed suit.

“No it isn’t.”

“It totally is!” Lily all but screamed. She seemed not to realize it, though. “Like a-a, well, like bullshit, but also something else. I wanted to say-- aha! Like a pie crust promise!” Lily finished, as if she’d had quite the epiphany. She was grinning.

“A what, love?”

“A pie crust promise,” Lily repeated, as if it was self-explanatory. “Mary Poppins: practically perfect in every-- why are you looking at me like that? Your mother’s a muggle, you should know this! It was my favorite movie growing up, Petunia’s, too, though I don’t know if it’s still hers or not. We aren’t sisters anymore, you see. That’s what she says, anyway. She’ll always be my sister,” Lily trailed off, biting her lip. Remus’ chest ached. He hadn’t wanted to upset Lily.

“A pie crust promise?” Remus prompted, wanting to get Lily’s mind off her sister. It seemed to work, because Lily looked excited again.

“Yes! A pie crust promise; easily made, easily broken. That’s the type of bullshit promises you were talking about.”

“Mary Poppins seems to be rather wise.”

“Sure.” Lily snorted, and that made her lose her balance on the moving staircase. Remus caught her before falling. “Okay, love?”

“Depends on what ‘okay’ means,” Lily murmured, sounding dizzy.

They walked in relative silence to the common room after that, and when they were only two staircases away, Lily stopped and cleared her throat.

Remus stopped right beside her and raised an eyebrow. She looked like she was thinking deeply about something.

“Okay,” she started, focusing on Remus,” This is what’s going to happen; I enter the common room, and if James is there, I’m going to kiss him so hard that he is going to forget his own damn name. And I want you to promise me, not a stupid, pie crust promise, but an _actual_ promise, that you are going to do the same.”

Remus studied Lily carefully, with her held out pinky and everything. “You want me to kiss James so hard until he forgets his--”

“Not James, stupid!” Lily smacks Remus’ head with her other hand, the one with the not-raised pinky finger. “Don’t be so cheeky; I mean Sirius. You know I mean Sirius.”

Remus considered Lily for a moment before wrapping his pinky around hers, realizing that he suddenly felt unbelievably happy. “I suppose a pinky promise isn’t a pie crust promise?”

Lily shook her head. “Absolutely not! Pinky promises are-are, you know, sacred-the exact opposite. Yes, they are opposites: pinky promises and--”

“I had so much fun today,” Remus said, pulling Lily into a hug. “Seriously, and not even about the plan, I just- had so much fun. Truly.”

Lily smiled, and it slowly turned into a smirk. “I wish I could say the same, Re.”

Remus narrowed his eyes. “Just for that, I am so making out with James.”

“Hey!”

**Author's Note:**

> I love Remus and Lily so much!!


End file.
